There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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