I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
