Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
