It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
