I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
