You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
