On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
