Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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