she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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