As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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