question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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