You're so nebulous sometimes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
