we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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