It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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