I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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