p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
