So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
