I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
