We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
