Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found your dick twin last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
