I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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