do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
