I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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