Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
