we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
