My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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