They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
