At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
