I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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