i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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