Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
