There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
