He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
