Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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