thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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