He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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