My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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