drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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