The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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