Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
