it was like eating out sand paper
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
