So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I AM VODKA MAN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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