I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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