You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
