there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
