the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
