Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
