I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
