I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
