If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
