On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
